Flowerisms

I should imagine you've heard of malapropisms. Well, I was brought up on Flowerisms, which are similar, but deliberate. Unfortunately, they tend to get me into trouble with the uninitiated and they become markedly less funny when you have to explain.

It's mainly come from my mum, but my grandad (her father) is partly to blame. I rather think my humour was inherited from that side of the family. Some Flowerisms are pinched, for instance, worms was a misprunt in a newspaper, possibly the Grauniad. If I ever say "I 'm having awful trouble with my worms today," I get some really funny looks.

If I comment on having to delapidate my legs? I need a shave (!?) and distructions speak for themselves. It can be a real nuisance if I have to change a blub and a pretty scene is generally very pictureskew. My sister often likes to follow a reciep when cooking, I like to wear massacre when I put make up on and of course, everyone likes to park in a par cark.

Having a simple conversation with me can be a bit of a minefield, it is terribly habit forming and I usually just forget to talk properly. How I ever expect my children to have an intelligible conversation, I'll never know, which is not good for the daughter of an English teacher.

But it can be terribly good fun!