Thursday, November 02, 2006

I dislike dilemmas intensely

There's been a serious complaint made at school against two boys whom my youngest son, Conall, is friendly with. I have several issues with this.

1. I shouldn't know about it. ( I don't like knowing a secret)

2. Conall has always avoided unpleasant/disruptive children without guidance. He's a very good judge of character and just avoids trouble makers. I know he wouldn't have befriended these two children if they were not nice.

3. The other child involved, (who made the complaint) plays with my eldest daughter, who is her school buddy, and her friends and therefore I have witnesses that there are no problems like this.

4. I know the other child is simply jealous. She wants to play with Conall, they've been friends through two years at nursery and she doesn't want to share him. She is being deliberately devious and manipulative.

5. She is my friend's daughter...

This becomes complicated by my friend's older daughter's behaviour because I think the younger one is now copying her tactics to get what she wants. I don't think my friend will be able to see this, but I don't want these two boys labelled in such an awful way when they have done nothing wrong.

Back to that law again, in the previous post.



Ruth said...

... this is a tricky one. (I don't like knowing secrets either). I know I'd take the 'do nothing; say nothing' approach. But that doesn't mean that's the best approach to take...

Louise said...

Hmm. I'm even less happy, since Conall came home from school and told me the depute head, (who I don't like,) has had words with these two boys. I hate this position. I don't like the idea of these two, small, five year old boys being branded bullies, you know how labels stick, when they've done nothing wrong.

Woe is me!

Ruth said...

OK. I've changed my mind now. Here's what I'd do - for what it's worth (but I don't always get it right (needless to say) and sometimes I think I rub people up the wrong way without realising and without knowing why).
I'd go, in confidence, and talk to the deputy head. I'd get it off my chest. Tell him / her everything you've told us - except... hang on a mo.... just remembered you don't like him / her.... so is there someone else at the school you could talk to...? Someone you trust to do the right thing with the information?

Louise said...

I've actually come up with a cunning, (if slightly unethical?) plan.

Rhiannon is her buddy at school. This is a system set up in which each P1 is buddied up with a P7 when they start school, to help them find their feet and settle in. Rhiannon is going to speak to her teacher, who happens to be a principle teacher, she has 'heard' that these two have been accused of something, but feels compelled to speak up. She has not seen any incidents of bullying, (which she hasn't) but is aware that the girl is not happy about Conall having new friends when she wants to play with him herself.

Devious, I know, but it is all as Rhiannon herself has seen it and she will be just behaving responsibly as the little girl's buddy.

However, I feel evil. Rotten. Awful. But I feel I have to do something, I can't let these two be labelled.

Thank you for your help with this one. It makes such a difference having someone elses input on my dithering, making me focus and think clearly. Thank you!