Monday, April 03, 2006

Murder and Mayhem

Is it only me? I'm sure it can't be.
I know that when I first started to have children, I spent the day, desperate to get through it and get the little treasures to bed. I felt dreadful, such a bad mother, because I so dearly wanted to be rid of them and have some peace and quiet.

Ofcourse, it rarely worked, someone would cry, or wander downstairs for a drink/toilet stop or throw up over the just changed bedding. Always the top bunk ofcourse and when daddy is on nightshift, or better still, out of the country!
We've just had yet another of those emergency visits to hospital, on a Sunday. Always the best day to choose when the drunks from the previous night have woken to find themselves battered and bruised, with no recollection as to how. It was only a relatively minor injury, but very awkward to dress, so a professional was required. It's just another of those tedious events that throw a day completely, despite the wonderful and swift care we received.

I still strive to get through the day, with as few incidents and attempted murders as possible. By me or their siblings and I still feel dreadful about it, because there is nothing else in life when you bring children into this world. It's all sore boobs/making bottles, changing stinking nappies, sleep deprivation and it's all you have, so you should be grateful and enjoy it.
It's so hard to love it, even when I love them so dearly, I'd never be without them and yet, I do resent them and feel dreadful again! After all, it was at my own behest that they are here.
It gets easier. No quieter. Maybe a touch less smelly. They still manage to deprive me of sleep, especially when daddy is on nightshift. Or out of the country!

Mind you, I can now savour the wine I've always enjoyed. They are capable, with a little bullying or gentle reminder, of cleaning their own teeth, finding fresh pyjamas and reading or listening to an audio book. So I can spend a little longer reclined with that chilled Chenin Blanc, or briefly aired Grenache Shiraz. If I'm feeling happy with life, I might even treat myself to a perfectly chilled bubbly, just because I can and I deserve it.


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